The Glasgow Courier - Serving Proudly As The Voice Of Valley County Since 1913

By Virgil Vaupel
Thanks For Listening 

How to Retire at the Age of 21 on $60K per Year


Intriguing headline, what? It’s true. One can retire and live a life of Riley on a little over $60,600 a year. Free ... No strings ... no obligations, and best of all, NO WORK!! Get paid handsomely while you sit on the beach or hike in the mountains, or enjoy the evening sunset from the back porch while hitting on a doobie supplied, free, by your benefactor.

Don’t believe it? Well friends, it’s being done by at least three or ten millions of people all over this great country every year. Some states pay better than others, and in a moment I’ll list the best states to move to if you are interested in this totally free retirement program sponsored by the United States Government and by you ... the American taxpayer.

This system is called, wait for it, wait, waaaiiiit ... Welfare! Yea!

The ultimate bestest place you can go to get the mostest money is Hawaii, where you can “earn” $60,640 a year in government benefits or $29 bucks an hour and change for a full eight-hour days work of not working while sitting on the beach enjoying an umbrella’d cocktail and watching half nekkid people strut their stuff on the sand. Is this a great country or not!

In most states the pre-tax welfare retirement check is more than the average wage, so why work? It’s like hitting the lottery, dude. In most of Montana, starting salary for a first-year teacher is a deplorable $24,000, give or take a few dollars. On the government sponsored welfare retirement plan, a person can “earn” more than $26,900, plus or minus a few bucks.

Washington, D.C., comes in second place, where, in the very capitol of the United States, a person can draw better than 50K per year in benefits and never raise a calloused hand to say thank you to those friendly folks in congress who have bestowed this largess upon them. The population of Washington, D.C., proper is better than 60 percent black, and since getting the vote in 1964 (?), DC has voted democrat every presidential election. Oh, and BTW, by their own admission, some congressmen have stated that about 38 percent of the working population in Washington, D.C., US of A, are considered “non-essential.” I would venture a guess that those 38 percent deserve just what they get for being stupid. By that I mean that if they would simply quit their day job they could jump on the government-sponsored retirement program plan and “earn” $15,000 or so per year more money just doing by nothing other than going to the bank to cash their welfare check.

Massachusetts, New York, New Jersey, Delaware, Connecticut, Rhode Island, Vermont, New Hampshire and Maryland are all in the top 10 best places to “retire” with wages between $50,500 to $38,160 in Maryland.

Our neighbor to the south, Wyoming, pays their citizens about $38K to not work. Seems the “middle America” states are less prone to give something for nothing. If you live in West Virginia and are feeling a bit lazy, you can “retire” on about $24,900, followed by Alabama, Missouri, Oklahoma and Louisiana. South Carolina comes in at a paltry $21,900 (about $5,000 above the national poverty level) to bottom out the 34 states investigated.

My point is this: if you don’t want to work and want to live well, move to Hawaii or Washington, D.C., apply for all the “things” you can get free, and sit back and watch the money roll in.

But if honesty and not having to feel that you have to “beat the system” are two things that matter in your life, then simply stay on your 10 to 15 bucks an hour job and make do with what you get. At least you can feel a sense of accomplishment and pride in a job well done at the end of the day. When asked in school to explain what your father does, your kid won’t have to say, “Nothing. He just beats the system.”

That’s it for now folks. Thanks for listening.


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