Orchidmania

We're on our annual winter trip to "sunny" Florida to have the Christmas holiday with our middle daughter and her family. So far, while we have seen the sun off and on, it hasn't been particularly warm. The beach trip may not happen (sorry, Todd). We didn't pack enough pants and long-sleeved shirts! We've already spent a day at an icy-cold hockey rink watching the middle grandson play in a couple games. (The oldest grandson, in college, has skipped hockey this winter.) We've also spent an evening at a different rink watching both of the younger grandsons have their individual team practices. They're just far enough apart in age to have to be in different divisions. They rarely get to play ice hockey together, but roller blade hockey lets them compete on the same team during the summer.

In between the actual games, my daughter and I took a short trip down the road to visit a bamboo and orchid nursery. It was also a chance to get warm again. I'd never thought too much about orchids as houseplants. I've had a few, and killed them with kindness. They're beautiful, of course, and I'd thought since they're semi-tropical, they'd need lots of water. Wrong!

Many orchids are epiphytic, which means they are really air plants, and grow on trees. Some are lithophytes and grow on rocks. Some are semi-terrestrials, and grow on compost or on the ground. And some are terrestrial, growing on soil. Note I said "on," not "in." There's a rare one in Australia that actually grows under the ground. That one relies on ants to effect propagation. They are not parasites (they take nothing from the tree), nor is there any symbiosis (the tree gets nothing from them, either).

Orchids are in the Orchidaceae family, in the order Asparagales. Yes, they're related to asparagus. There are over 28,000 species, which means there are four times as many types of orchid as there are mammals. After people started messing with them in the 19th century, there are now 100,000 hybrids and cultivars. And they aren't necessarily semi-tropical, either. Orchids grow in the wild almost all over the globe. There aren't any in Antarctica, but you can find orchids on all the other continents.

Orchids love lots of bright, indirect light, so do well in east or west facing windows. They prefer their water to be fortified with a 20-20-20 fertilizer, and to be room-temperature or lukewarm. Don't toss dropped ice cubes in their pot as some have recommended. Try not to water the crown to prevent crown rot. In fact, watering from below is best. Don't use regular potting soil, instead use loose bark or coco husk which drains well. Water once a week. You can forego a pot altogether, but if you do use one, make sure there are adequate drainage holes. The roots need room.

The flowers can last 30-45 days. The flower stalk will need a support stake. Once the flowers do die, clip them off, but leave the stalk, unless it starts to rot. Then cut that off as well. The plant now needs regular fertilizing as it rebuilds itself. It will remain dormant for six to nine months, but should flower again. You can fertilize with coffee grounds. Cinnamon is a natural fungicide and can be dusted on the cut stem, and on broken leaves or roots to prevent mold. Isopropyl alcohol can be swabbed on should you get mealybugs. An unflavored mouthwash, cut with water, can be used to prevent bug damage. Epsom salts, which contains magnesium and sulfur, can boost growth (use 1 tsp/gallon of water). You can add crushed eggshells for calcium and potassium, if you have your orchid in a pot.

Some orchids are monopodial, meaning they grow straight up from "one foot" with a single center. Some are sympodial, meaning "many feet," and grow in a clump. Some will have a psuedo bulb as the base of the plant where it stores water. I guess this type lacks an official name (maybe psuedopodial?).

Luckily for Dennis, should I acquire an orchid or two again now that I know more about how to care for them (and of course I'm lusting for them), they aren't usually poisonous. Most of them have edible flowers. In fact, pure vanilla extract comes from the ground up seeds of the vanilla orchid. Some of them that have that bulbous tuber base may cause stomach issues if consumed, and some people may get a skin rash from contact with their sap, but orchids are generally perfectly safe to have in your home.