Serving Proudly As The Voice Of Valley County Since 1913

The Urination Syndrome

Here’s the plan. I want every one of the 3.14159265 true conservative males over the age of 18, staunch supporter of HRC and who actually reads this nonsense column to take out your wallet and extract 25 percent of its wealth.

Now go directly to the bathroom and flush this money right down that John C. Crapper invention called the twalette in polite circles. I want you to repeat this process every time you get a paycheck from now on until the guys in the white coats come to take you away.

I call this the Urination Syndrome. It was initially invented by members of the United States Congress back in the days of George Washington and Al Gore. Since that time literally trillions of your tax money has been “voided” away (thus the Urination Syndrome) in what the government candidly denies are some pretty shady deals and other frivolous spending.

I mean, what American doesn’t get a warm fuzzy feeling just knowing that the government allotted 10 million tax dollars to remake a popular kids’ TV show for Pakistan? Oh, and being as this is the right time of year for this, did you know that the 2012 presidential political conventions cost you, the taxpayer, a whopping 35 million bucks, and look what that money bought us! Yikes. The Urination Syndrome at it’s finest.

Someone in Washington, D.C., took a drive around the city and made the determination that a certain privately owned pancake franchise was missing from the landscape. Congress gave $765,000 to someone to right that egregious wrong. Now everyone can enjoy a pancake for breakfast.

One of my very favorites is that the government spent 100 million dollars studying how to curb illegal Federal Credit Card expenditures by federal employees. An audit showed that some agents for the USDA spent nearly 6 million bucks on things like Ozzie Osbourne concert tickets, tattoos, condoms, lingerie, bartender school tuition, private car payments, cash advances and a myriad other felonious purchases. I don’t recall hearing about anyone going to prison for that.

The Federal Food Stamp Program runs amok with illegal spending. Folks with dogs aren’t allowed to buy dog food but they can buy steak and feed it to their dog. Food stamps have turned up in the pockets of drug dealers and hookers. Cameras at 7-11 stores show people buying beer, wine and alcohol with food stamps.

And this just in off the wire! The USDA (oh, them again) spent $1,300,000 bucks to help Pepsi-Co ($66 billion in net revenues in 2014) build an authentic Greek Yogurt factory in New York. It’s time to switch to Coke-a-Cola.

And yet another private industry reaps huge benefits and another does it on their own. Seems the government awarded Cooper Tire 6.7 million to study and develop tires made from Guayule – a plant indigenous to the Southern US and Mexico. Bridgestone Tire is also developing the process but are doing so with their own money. Send Cooper down the pooper.

And another USDA funded program to aid other countries in managing their forests in cooperation with the United States Forest Service. As if the USFS doesn’t have enough of their own trees to tend. This is a duplicative US AID program meaning we’re paying twice? It’s all ok though. It’s ONLY $9,490,000. The USFS states in their mission statement “To Sustain the Healthy Diversity and Productivity of the Nation’s Forests.” By “Nation’s” I would assume they mean the US forests, not the trees in Colombia, Venezuela, Brazil and etc.

All this and we still can’t get government to build us a safe bridge across the Beaver Creek west of town for the school bus to traverse the creek safely. I was told that if the Milk River Road was a certified mail route a better bridge would have been built ages ago. I guess a letter is more important than a life.

Oh well, it’s all just peachy-keen. We have two really great choices in the November election. One will bring this Nation to it’s knees with eight more years of SSDD (Same Stuff Different Day) and the other will bring the United States to it’s knees but with solid prospects of change for the better.

My personal choices are still; President, Steve Daines. Secretary of Defense Ryan Zinke and for court jester it must be Tester.

Oh and as a post script. I truly do enjoy reading Mary and Mary and Sandy and Stoney and Sierra writing about the finer things in life. The aforementioned “warm and fuzzy” things. We do need more of that stuff in the Courier ... however columns like mine are needed to put everything in perspective and to keep you up to date on the “important” things in life like what restroom to use, the unfairness of being forced to be politically correct in speech and deed, how the government is spending your tax money and a myriad of other things not mentioned in our daily lives. If I wander off into deep waters like things religious, racial or sexual, please forgive me. I don’t know any other way than to simply speak what I believe to be the truth.

See you at the Valley County Fair! The free stage is providing some whing-ding local entertainment this year so come out and see your friends and neighbors sing and dance and tell stories. Support the Fair or it will soon be relegated to the “Things of The Past” column.

That’s it for now folks. Thanks for listening

 

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