Serving Proudly As The Voice Of Valley County Since 1913

The Thanks for Listening Bailout Plan

I was sitting here listening to the PBS World News while foundering myself on hot chocolate, with real milk and eating a pound and a half of stale, moldy Christmas cookies when a plan started whirling around in my previously empty head.

My computer tells me the United States has military presence in at least 60 countries around the world causing a huge depletion to the “federal coffers,” of “taxpayers donations.”

Money to put a “World Police Force” out there comes from fees paid to the United Nations by every member country in the world. The United States pays 32.5 percent of the total budget of the United Nations, yet we account for more than 80 percent of the troops and equipment.

The last time I looked, there were 28,500 (give or take a few, Horace) American military personnel stationed in South Korea keeping that country safe from North Korean invasion and takeover. All that money going out to keep us – and the world – safe from crooks, thieves, con men, communists, despots, dictators and democrats.

Then I took a backward glance at Obama’s bailout plan and found it corporately excellent and individually poor. What I mean is this: The bailout allowed corporate executives to collect their huge mega-million-dollar bonuses and stave off their stockholders for yet another year or so. It didn’t help the middle class worker or households even a little bit.

What I think would have been a better idea – and cost American taxpayers less – would have been to give each legal American household a pre-paid credit card worth a million tax-free bucks.

The money must be used to pay down mortgages, buy new vehicles, washing machines, TVs, iPads and iPods, clothing, college education and the myriad other things that would have actually stimulated the economy. (At least China’s economy considering the amount of “Made in China” goods our stores have for sale.)

If a recipient of the million is caught buying and/or using illegal drugs, or committing any other felony, the remainder of his allotment is forfeited and the person is taken out and shot for the crime of being stupid.

The money cannot be put into any savings account. It must be spent. It can be used as start-up capital for a small business.

The white elephant in the room is this: How much money did Obama’s bailout put back into the real economy?

I’m thinking that with a million simoleons I could buy a used pickup that I don’t have to repair before driving. I could get a bed that isn’t 19 years old. I could go to college and actually learn about nouns, verbs, conjunctivitouses, run-on sentences, flabbergasted pronouns and other writing things of which I know very little.

Or I could become a rancher/farmer and run the place until the money is depleted or until the American Prairie Reserve buys me out for three or five times what the property is worth.

What would you do with a million tax-free dollars?

That’s it for now folks. Thanks for listening.

 

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