Thanks For Listening

In today’s society it seems language skills have gone out the window with the baby's bathwater. TV and the movies are teaching the young certain words and phrases they shouldn't be hearing at their age. Mom and dad are using words that would make a drunken sailor blush uncaring about whose little ears are in earshot so it's no wonder America's youth has trouble communicating without profanity.

I heard a young mother of three drop the f-bomb as a noun, verb and adjective all in the same sentence. I was impressed to say the least.

That said, please allow me the opportunity to share with you some of my experiences as a father of one very young youngster.

Some friends met Jim and me on the street one day. Jim was four at the time. As we talked Galen said “JimBoy where've you been? I haven't seen you since you were little.” Jimmie looked up at Galen and said, with the slightest tear in his voice, “I've been locked in the closet four days!”

Where he got that from I have no idea but it made Galen look at me suspiciously askance. Locked in the closet eh?

I took Jim on the Freightliner with me one time for a coast to coast ride. I wanted him to see some of the country other than just 50 miles from home. I told my wife it would be a learning experience.

As we trucked up the interstate we listened to the CB radio because, as I told Jimmie, we had to listen for “Smokys.” He knew who Smoky was and it wasn't the bear. See, his mom had somewhat of a lead foot and relied on a Fuzz-Buster to keep points off her driving license and money in her pocket.

As we pulled into the Union 76 truck stop at Effingham, Illinois, Jim had his first lesson about “lot lizards.”

Before I could reach up and turn off the CB, this voice came over the airwaves: “Hey good buddy, where's all the lot lizards?” Jim also wanted to know. I told him not to worry about it.

For those of you unschooled in lot lizards, they slither from truck to truck at night knocking on doors and asking, “how you doin' tonight darlin?" Want a date?” They aren't looking for a “date” as I know the definition.

Jimmie was curious.

As we were heading for home one dark and stormy night Jim announced he needed to “take a whizz.” Again, I have no idea where he heard that before.

Anyway, I pulled into a rest area in Tennessee that was not much more than a muddy dumping ground. I told Jim he had to stand on the running board to pee (so's he wouldn't get mud all over the carpet.)

When we got home, my wife asked Jim all kinds of questions about his trip. At one point Jim told her, “Mom, I had to pee one night and the lot lizards were so bad at the rest area that dad made me stand on the running board.” My wife glared at me.

I've always had a tad bit of heart trouble, mostly angina, but I keep it pretty much controlled with meds.

One time I had need to visit the doctor place to renew my heart medication prescription. My wife had a real job so I had to take Jimmie (now 5 years old) along.

We'd spent the early spring calving, Jim working right along side me when we had to pull one. He picked up some of the vernacular.

As he sat quietly listening to what the doctor had to tell me he recognized certain words and when we got home he used them on his mother.

The doc told me that I still had a little touch of angina and that if I didn't take better care of myself I could relapse.

That's what Jim heard.

This is what Jim said.

“Mom, the doctor said that dad has a little vagina and that if he doesn't start taking better care of himself he's gonna have a prolapse.”

And that, friends, is a true story.

That's it for now folks. Thanks for listening.