By Virgil Vaupel
Thanks For Listening 

I've Got It! The Bison Solution


While doing some research, I found there are somewhere between 50 or so and 400 or so national parks in the United States and her territories.

Each park has many visitors each year. Families on vacations wanting to experience the great outdoors while sleeping in a tent, cooking hot dogs over an open campfire and feeding the grizzly bears. No ... I mean really ... feeding the bears in some cases. (Some folks just won't listen to good advice about the relationship betwixt bears and the tourii.)

There are literally millions of acres in the national park system. Thirty or so of the 50 states “proudly” surround a national park within their borders.

Park Avenue in New York City is home to a bazillion plastic surgeons doing tummy tucks, botox treatments, facelifts, pouty lips and liposuction procedures on the wives of the Wall Street fat cats who write checks to the wildlife “foundations” that presume to tell Montanans which wild animals will be turned loose in the wilds to wildly roam, wildly.

First it was the wolves. Now it's the bison.

Perhaps maybe those who favor the bison would foot the bill to erect a buffalo fence all around Central Park and turn in some free-roaming buffalo. That would save millions of New York taxpayer dollars in lawn care alone.

There are a plethora of national monuments scattered about Washington, D.C, the Virgin Islands, American Samoa, the Minor Outlying Islands (wherever the hell they are) and on the Northern Marianas Islands. I'll bet a dollar to a road apple and hold the stakes in my mouth that those folks in the last four named countries/territories would just love to have some American Bison free-roaming through their islands.

My thinking is this. Why create new national monuments of land on which the buffalo can roam and the deer and antelope can play? That will just serve to incrementally push the rancher off rangeland he uses to raise the cattle and sheep to help feed a hungry nation. These ranch families make use of the land and make it productive.

The wildlife foundations, on the other hand, are totally nonessential and nonproductive organizations mainly set up to give rich folks a “cause” – like “We must save the West for the children.” I say “hogwash” to that. Feeding people comes first in my book.

With the stroke of a pen Obama created five new national monuments under the cloak of the Antiquities Act on March 25, 2013. How much more land are we going to let him and his mis-administration take before we get really angry? There's one scary individual, folks.

My plan is truly brilliant if I do say so meself.

It's so brilliant I'm surprised Al Gore hasn't invented it yet.

I say, “relocate” six free-roaming bison per acre on every acre of national parks and national monuments land in the United States and her territories.

Every summer people load up the minivan with kids and dogs and head out to see Mount Rushmore or the Grand Canyon, the Everglades or Glacier National Park. They make stops along the way to visit a few of the nation's national monuments. People are going there anyway, so why not give them the opportunity to kill three bison with one stick, so to speak. Visit a park or monument AND see bison all in one stop.

We don't need more national parks and national monuments. The parks are, for the most part, beautifulingly breathtaking and the monuments are educationally educational, but how much grandeur and knowledge can people digest while on a relaxing vacation?

Placing free-roaming bison in each of these parks and monuments is a win-win for everyone. It's like going to Disneyland. It's easy to find and fun for the whole family.

By my unofficial count there are 75 or so national monuments and national memorials in Washington D.C.. Let's simply build a bison fence around the “Beltway” and re-introduce 400 or so free-roaming buffalo to the U.S. Congress and it's environs. Again, think of the lawncare and fertilizer savings! (Althought, when you think about it, there is already an abundance of “fertilizer” in and around our nation's Capitol).

Tell your senator or representative to “just say no” to more national monuments and national parks. And do not let Obama anywhere near a pen while he is still in office.

That's it for now folks. Thanks for listening.


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