50 Years Goes By Fast

When I woke up Friday of last week, it was to the realization it really had been 50 years since my husband and I had gotten married. “Fifty years,” I thought. "How could it be? Wasn’t it just a few days ago we’d stood in the church my grandfather had helped build, promising to love and take care of each other for the rest of our lives?” Yet, the pictures on our living room walls of our children from the time they were small through their high school graduation and their own wedding days, along with those of the arrival of each grandchild, attested to the fact it was indeed 50 years later.

The excitement of our wedding day gave way to the reality of marriage. It’s been said people prepare for the wedding but not the marriage. And I guess it’s true in a way. Oh, we have pictures in our minds of what we think our lives as husband and wife will be like. But, as with many things, they don’t reveal the full truth.

Such as when our husband or wife or child is very ill. Those pictures don’t show the deep worry, loss of sleep, pacing the floor while all the while praying with every fiber of our being that they will return to complete health.

Our living came from the livestock and grain we raised. I can’t begin to tell of the days on end spent watching the weather or tracking commodity prices. The worry that accompanied each day was hidden by everyday living. Feeding the cattle in the corrals, grinding feed, baling hay and in harvest, straw. Cleaning the grain for seeding, making sure the equipment was in good shape or if necessary performing the repairs needed so it was ready to go. And before we knew it, it was harvest time -- time to clean out bins, get the augers and trucks ready.

Calving time brought sometimes sleepless nights, constant worry when a storm hit, long days of keeping an eye on the cows to know which ones were close to giving birth and then watching to make sure there were no problems with the birth. Calving contributed its share of worry but watching the calves romping in the pasture, running full tilt, mock fighting, the cows calling to their calves it was time for them to suckle brought us many smiles.

For those folks who worked in offices, they shoulder their share of worry about their lives together, the trials they face in their daily work, their concern over providing for their family.

When we get married we don’t think about the simple things -- preparing food, cleaning the house, taking care of the lawn and the house itself, even down to taking out the garbage. Nor do we think about the hours we’ll spend making sure our children get to their practice session, games, concerts, organizational meeting and projects.

Our own possible involvement in community work isn’t in our vision of marriage. Or the hours we’ll devote to helping other folks. The birthday parties for our family members, the sleepovers our children want to have, even vacations are the farthest things from our minds when we marry.

Initially, our idea of marriage is husband and wife. But, in time, marriage becomes much, much more.

How do you get through 50 years together? Well, my husband and I have had one major rule -- if we get mad at one another, we find a way to work off the energy that comes with anger, then we sit down and discuss why we got mad and how to resolve the problem. We both know how bad our tempers can be and so we work to control them. I can honestly say we’ve not had any angry shouting matches. We’ve tried to show our children how important it is to keep the lines of communication open and try to see things from each other’s viewpoints.

And lastly, but by far, not the least, our faith has helped us through each day, given us hope when things have seemed dark and on the verge of impossible to overcome, guided us, comforted us, and kept our love for each other strong and true. Both of us believe that it really does take three to get and stay married.